Mr. Too Nice to Date Twice

Don't have much to say right now, except that I've been extremely bored. I love having my space, but sitting all alone in my condo waiting for deliveries that don't come on time, is not my idea of fun. Plus, I've been staying up way too late and waking up feeling miserable in the morning....go figure...

Anyway, found this article on Baggage Reclaim that pretty much articulated what I was trying to say before...something you guys are probably sick of hearing now ;o).

Here's the link:

Mr Too Nice to Date Twice

And here's the one that we often overlook...Taken from Vixen - by the way, thanks for writing about me!!! I'm gonna read it as soon as I finish posting this....lol....


Vixen’s Guide to: Dating a Nice Guy

I’ve had my share of Bad Boys but invariably, I’ve always been drawn more consistently to the Nice Guy. There is something about the old school charm, chivalrous ways and polished manners of this type of male that draws me like a moth to a flame. The term Nice Guy, has been used exclusively to categorise the gentlemen that don’t fit into the Bad Boy or any other prototype. These are the ones that will bring you flowers, call you just to say they are thinking of you, open doors and pay for all excursions with no fuss. They are the ones that your mother will approve of, and who manage to charm your family members that normally detest all the men you bring home.

First of all, if you aren’t sure that you guy is a nice guy…answer these questions to find out.

1. When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?

2. Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?

3. Does he abstain from drugs, guns, excessive liquor and other substances?

4. Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?

5. Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?

6. Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?

7. Does he open doors for you and pull your chair back? Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?

8. Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?

9. Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?

10. Did he tell you that he loved you first? Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?

11. Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?

12. Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?

13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?

If majority of these are true, then hon, you are dating a Nice Guy.

Now don’t confuse a Nice Guy with a pushover. It’s not the same thing. Just because he looks after your interests and spoils you within reason doesn’t mean that you should take advantage of him. Nice guys have been taken advantage of time and time again and have learned from it. In my experience I’ve come across several nice guys that have been used and abused by the women they were with, and this has shattered a lot of their morals and values turning them into tortured, wounded souls.

Majority of Nice Guys were raised around women, they were predominantly raised by their mothers, sisters and aunts, and have managed to understand to a certain extent how women think. They sense your moods, your oncoming PMS and have learned what not to say in most situations. They are generally also more in tune with their feminine/sensitive side and might stun you with the depth of perception that they possess.

Note the following tips when dealing with Nice Guys

He generally is close to his family: He will talk to his family about you. Especially if he adores you. He will want to show you off. He will relate funny anecdotes about you and you might be surprised how much they know about you. There is nothing wrong with this, just note that if you are a super private person, you might want to let him know before he starts bragging about you to his friends and family.

He is generally close to his mom and the influential women in his life: He probably has a female best friend, is friends with his ex or a lady friend that he is very close to. If you happen to be a green-eyed sort, reel those jealous feelings in sweetie…to him these are platonic relationships. However, if your sixth sense is telling you something is up, please pay attention. In the same vein, if the women in his life don’t like you….it might cause issues. Deal with them carefully as if you were approaching a mother bear. They want to protect him for the ‘wicked Jezebels’ of the world and might just cast you in that category if you aren’t careful.

He might be over-the-top with giving gifts: Don’t take offence, he’s not trying to buy your affection, he is just showing you the level of his affection. Smile prettily, give him a kiss and receive graciously.

Nice guys believe in the rule of reciprocity: Somehow the golden rule has been ingrained in them and to prevent disillusionment, be nice. Don’t take them for granted, they do on some subconscious level expect niceness in kind. Don’t trample on their emotions, don’t belittle, DON’T cheat.

They are usually great communicators: On some level, they are gifted to a greater degree than your average Neanderthal in the language of women. They are able to pick up your moods and intuitively react to them. Appreciate this fact.

Don’t turn their good manners against them: If you are an independent woman, accept the gentlemanly courtesy…the opening of doors, etc. Get used to it. It is a part of them and asking them to stop goes against everything they stand for.

They are from the old school, old souls in a modern world. Think Braveheart, Gladiator type of men. They will stand up and fight for you. If they feel that you have been disrespected, they will want to protect you, beat the shit out of the person dissing you and take care of you.

However, note that Nice Guys have the power to revert to prototype and becomes jerks as well. Don’t think that just because you are dating a nice guy that he is the best thing since sliced bread. First and foremost, he is a GUY, and that my dear ladies, is the greatest irony of it all.

Visit Voxen’s blog Bad Girls Guide

Further Explanations

Okay - so this post is going to be a continuation of sorts from the last one...

What I was trying to say - is that I've gotten the "good girl" title pretty much all my life. Back in the day, I was the one guys wouldn't date because I was, and I quote, "marrying material", etc....truthfully, I didn't take it as compliment - just saw it as another way of saying that they weren't interested and they were trying to be nice about it.

However, I know that for a good part of my life, it was just a facade. I wasn't truly "good" in the sense of the word - I was scared. Scared to defy my family, community, and society. I was just talking to one of my friends about this - we did everything that was expected and kept our "reputations" (almost!) intact as expected. Did the majority of things right and by the book. Thing is - I enjoyed the accolades and resented them at the same time. Felt like I had to live up to a certain standard that was forced upon me. Obviously, I chose to take it on, but that's how I felt.

So, when I encounter men who remind me of myself in the above way, I tend to be cautious, and yes, just a bit cynical. Which - I readily concede - is unfair.

LIghtbulb Theory

I've just been thinking about the whole "good girl" liking "bad boy" phenomenon - something I've been accused of in the past. And I think I finally got a handle on it.

First of all, the phrase is completely generic and demeaning to both genders, in my opinion. But, I did realize something - the reason I can't or don't like dealing with the proverbial "good guy" is because of my own experience.

Whenever I encounter a man who I do believe genuinely likes me, but is extremely accommodating and constantly putting my needs above his own, I find him slightly untrustworthy. It's not about devaluing myself, but it's knowing that I've been there in non-romantic relationships. I've been the one to bend and give and give, never releasing the underlying resentment or anger that has built. Keeping my "good girl" facade totally intact. Not really taking responsibility for my feelings and/or being honest with my loved ones.

So, even though this may be a guy's personality, and he just is really a nice guy, I can't get over the idea that he may be hiding something....lol....I know, it's pretty bad. On the other hand, if someone is up front and completely honest, I can respect that - more so because it is something that I struggle with, even if that person is a complete jerk. Don't get me wrong - I don't like people who let it "all hang out" or anything, but who are able to clearly articulate his or her feelings in an appropriate manner....lol...whatever that is.

With that said, I usually hate the whole "opposite attracts" thing. I believe that your values and goals should at least be in sync - but I do get the idea of wholeness. Yes, I'm complete by myself, but if I meet someone who can balance my personality and vice versa I'm intrigued. I like to know that I can change and grow with someone - not necessarily being with someone who reinforces me without challenging me.

Just something I was thinking through. Any thoughts???

Changes

Hey all - so, I finally made it down to Nashville - in the wee hours of this morning...suffice to say, I'm tired...as indicated by my use of some interesting words...lol...

Anyway, I know that I was (and still am) totally excited about the humidity down here. but it's a bit overwhelming. To go from dry, hand-chapped Colorado to air dripping with moisture Tennessee in one day is different. My skin literally feels dewy - which I guess can be good for a girl - but I still have to get used to it.

Plus, my place still needs some improvements. I have some very basic stuff missing in my bathroom as well as some other things that were supposed to be taken care of before I came down, and haven't been...so, tomorrow is going to be long day with the furniture coming and all...

But that doesn't dampen my excitement at finally having my own place! The only thing is, I'm too sluggish to thoroughly enjoy it :O)

By the way, my parents took me shopping at Costco today (yay!) but went a little overboard - I had to call my friend to bring her Jeep to help carry stuff to my place - no complaints there!

(Oh, and for those of you wondering - the above pic is not my place. It would be fabulous, but I'm not that lucky!) Which actually makes me think of HGTV - I used to hate that channel. And I do mean hate....but now I'm totally into it. Find it quite fascinating....anyone else? Or am I alone???

Leaps of Faith

You know how when you wanna follow your gut feeling (instinct if you will) you get opposition? How everyone expects things to be done "by the book" and if you stray from the so-called norm you are criticized...and yet, with great risk comes great reward, right....?

Dreams and Allergies

So, I just read this totally random rambling post from The Pink Highlighter and was inspired. I don't think I've mentioned it before, but the last couple of nights have been absolutely terrible - days actually.

Remember my trip to Nashville a couple of weeks ago? Well, the friend I was staying with has a dog. A dog who hadn't been groomed in a looooong time. And I, though I do adore dogs, have serious allergies to their hair. This dog - aptly named Frizzie - had the longest and stringiest hair I've ever seen on such a small dog. Needless to say, my allergies were my great friends for my entire visit. I was popping pills like they were going out of style.

Okay - so I get home. And since I've been here - I feel like I have a dog hair stuck in my throat. Seriously. Like I inhaled it and it won't come out!!! Yes - it could just be my allergies going haywire, (hmmmm - hay, allergies....) but I swear it's true. No matter what I drink or eat (yogurt to soothe it) it won't budge. Call me crazy - but I can feel it and it's irritating the hell out of me. On top that I'm totally sniffly (word?) and feel achey, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I'm sick...

The only interesting thing about this whole thing is that my dreams have been incredibly realistic and odd. You know those kinda dreams where you feel like you haven't slept at all? Well, the first night myself and a whole bunch of random people were trying to run, but with a wall of resistance that we couldn't break through. Like slow motion on crack. We were running/swimming/pushing our way forward, while another person trotted over us on a horse calling out encouragement. I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Suffice to say, I woke up exhausted and heavy.

Last night was better. I dreamed that the cast of Grey's Anatomy and I went on some sort of trip together. Well, not all of them. Just Sandra, Kat, and Ellen. We were all going to the same school and they had some shoot to do in the mountains of Colorado. So, we were going to be roommates, but for some reason I didn't talk in the entire dream. Just was there. Observing and hanging out without really saying anything. I remember making one comment and Sandra was like "Oh. She speaks." - or something equally snarky (word I totally stole from the blogosphere).

Now that you are completely catatonic I will stop. I'm only up because I got a call at 5 am from a cousin (you know who you are!) looking for my sister. I am completely annoyed. Not at my cousin - at my sister. But that's for another day...or not....

.....

Movers coming on Friday - still haven't packed...am such a chronic procrastinator...

“Reunited and it Feels so Good”

Lol…okay – so I broke down and joined MySpace….I know, I know…what was I thinking? I’m 25 years old. But – I finally broke. Curiosity got to me and next thing I know I was joining. At first it was just to see some friends profiles and then I spiraled out of control and joined! (sigh – oh well…)

Anyway, the point of this post is that I don’t regret it. Because of one of my friends I saw some profiles of people I haven’t seen in years! I’m talking about guys I’ve known since about age 10 from church and haven’t seen since I was like, I don’t know, 17 or so. It brought back a lot of memories of who I used to be…lol….

I used to try to block out those years. I was quintessential nerd. The glasses, the braces, the one who used to compete with my friends about who got the highest A in class, walked with a very defined slouch and was always reading. Even my so-called friends used to call me “ungoy” – a Tagalog term that means monkey. Yeah – not the most flattering – especially for a minority!

I always hung out with the “rejects”, Goths, and other high school “undesirables”. Interesting thing is seeing how we’ve all changed over the years – and “come into our own”. I’m not the same person I used to be, and neither are they. But my past really has shaped who I am today….hmmmm….just some thoughts….

Plus, if you all read the comments on my last post - you'd know that Vixen and I are old friends from college too...the age of technology - ain't it grand?

Packing

I'm packing - except that I don't have any boxes yet :o(. I want to get all my stuff organized before I box them up, but it's taking much longer than I thought it would...

I plan to be out of here in two weeks and I can't even get my stuff together.

In other news: I ended it with "older guy". Actually, come to think of it, I only mentioned him to CiC, but it was kinda sad. He's absolutely great. Not only do we click on so many things (personality, dreams, travel, service-oriented, etc) but he's a man. Not just physiologically (!) which is a plus :O) but in all the other essential things. Knows what he wants. Completely honest. Totally appealing. Plus, he's from New York and works in DC (sigh) and I totally have a thing for East Coast guys.

However, there was one essential thing that we couldn't agree on - religion. And I hate to say it because if you've read one of my previous posts - you'd know that I'm not the hugest fan of the organization. Ironic thing is that he's not the strongest adherent, but he is definitely involved in his denomination and is clear that he wants his children to attend the same parochial schools he did. Which is an absolute no for me - something that is not even up for debate.... So, long story short, I stopped it. Which was a lot harder than I thought it would be - it's only been a couple months...so what was up with me crying???? Hormones? Or just a stupid decision? (sigh) I don't know.... Anyway, he still wants to take me out and of course I said "sure" like an idiot. Watch me fall harder and change my mind...

On a final note - I've been watching the Republican debate - and I would vote for Ron Paul - too bad he doesn't have a chance - oh, and Romney is a hot mess...I think he took a hit tonight.

Knocked Up

So, I was going to write about something entirely different - but that will have to wait.

Have you seen Knocked Up yet????!!

I haven't laughed so hard in .... in ..... dude, in years! I swear it. That movie is absolutely, stomach hurting hilarious. Thing is it's incredibly realistic, totally quirky and off the wall, mega funny.

Oh, but don't get it twisted. It's totally not children friendly. And it has an EXTREMELY graphic scene. Extremely - but totally entertaing! Like there wasn't one scene that I didn't crack up in - not one...

So, if you haven't seen it yet - go on...

I'm buying it as soon as it comes out...you should too!

Homeowner!!!!

I am FINALLY a HOMEOWNER!!! YAY! I've been in Nashville for the past week and I closed on Wednesday! Smooth as butta! lol...Plus, I got a congratulatory bottle of wine after I was done signing my life away :O)...

Talk you guys later...(Gotta go put the electricity in my name!)

Blank

Sorry guys....I'm at a total blank right now...when I have something to say - I'll be back...until then, check out the Indian commercials my friend Priya sent me out of sheer boredom...lol....

Babies, Babies Everywhere

I am SURROUNDED by babies. Not children. Babies. And/or expectant mothers. My neighbor, whose oldest child is 27 just had a baby. My cousin who just hit 40 is having a baby. Two of my friends just had the cutest little boys a couple of months ago. My (redacted) is about to have a baby. Like dude - is it baby season or what???

They are adorable - but make realize that I am NOT ready for one...the work - crying, holding, changing, needing your complete attention...I am not ready. Give me a couple years - then I might be in a better mood...lol...

Road Rage

Okay - the MOST hilarious thing happened today. So, I'm driving to my doctor's appointment, chatting on the phone with my sister. I get to my exit - which is kinda strange - it merges with another street on the right. Anyway, there was another person coming up in this red truck with his indicator on - apparently trying to merge left while I was trying to merge right. And me, being the wonderfully polite person I am, decide to slow down and let him over.

Well, who told me to do that??? Next thing I know this dude stops immediately to my right blocking traffic and starts yelling at me. I'm surprised and like "what the hell?". Couldn't tell if it was a he or a she with a really bad mullet. But whatever...I keep on exiting. Dude pulls up behind me at the light and gets out of his car, yelliing some more. I'm still on the phone, roll my eyes and make sure that I lock my doors.

Anyway, long story short - I'm moseying along and he comes up besides me rolls down his window and gives me the most hilarious and extra "F you" I've EVER seen! Like his hand is totally extended and vibrating in his anger and his mouth opens like some aggravated wild boar.

So, what do I do? Do I return the finger, keep driving and ignore him? No. I pull up next to him and roll down my window. As I open my mouth, he screams "Why are you rolling down your window/pulling up to me", or some other variation - and I say - get this -

"I'm sorry. I thought you were changing lanes." As I shrug my shoulders, look on sadly with wide eyes, and wave contritely. You should've seen the look on this guys face. Classic. "Oh" - and a wave and he's off.

Alright - so I can't really describe it...but take my word - it was hella funny...

It's always so satisfying to "pour hot coals of fire on people's head"...lol...they usually feel like idiots... :O)

Live Passionately

Work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt. And dance like no one's watching.

Okay - I know that I have to stop these morose posts...so here's the thing: a play cousin was supposed to get married this weekend. His fiance was graduating from med school this Saturday and the wedding was slated for Sunday. Well, her father just died of a heart attack today - totally unexpected. And to top it off, almost a couple hours later, one of her bridesmaids got hit by a semi on her way to the wedding and was killed instantly.

So - remember those lines in Hitch - Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.

Enjoy it!

You vs Me: Two Sides to Every Story

You know how you can’t ever tell someone something without making yourself look like the “good guy”? Why is that?

Even when I purposely try to take full responsibility and state my faults upfront I still end up appearing more genuine or mature than the other person. When deep down I know that is exactly how I want to come across. I want to be validated by whomever I’m talking to. And – if I state my faults first they are usually less likely to surprise and/or hurt me with their opinions of a situation. Either way – I seem in control and emotionally healthy. What is that all about anyway? Am I just so analytical and competitive that I have to see all angles of an issue before I talk about it???

Is it possible to truly denounce yourself? Or is it just a power trip? Knowing that by appearing to have truly thought an issue out and taking responsibility for your “not so good” actions that people in turn assume that you are admirable. (If you can unravel my meaning out of that last sentence please explain it to me). Or is this just me taking things too far?

I'm Back...

Hey all,

As some of you know I was in "The City" for a bit. It was great. The weather was absolutely gorgeous - not too hot, not too cold - just that middle of the road, gotta be outside weather.

I was there for a friends graduation. It was loooong and quite boring for the most part, but it did have some good parts...the main speaker was a guy named Larry Silverstein. An apparent billionaire who owns probably half of the city along with Trump. I guess he was the founder of the Masters in Real Estate at NYU - and he was/is the leaseholder for the WTC...yada yada yada...

Clearly, I never heard of him before their commencement, but his message was inspiring...and after reading the comments on my last post - I decided to share my newfound ...da da dadum...wait for it -----

OPTIMISM!

Lol...he talked about success and work ethic and how crucial it is to keep moving forward and being an optimist. Then he said something that felt like it was directed solely for me - He said, that the main thing that will hold you back and stop you from coming forward is - Cynicism...lol...yup, cyncism.

That cynics rarely are truly successful/happy with their lives because they are constantly complaining and masking it as reality. In his viewpoint, cynics can never be leaders because they have no message to give - just limitations. Well, that really hit home. Even my friend who was graduating said she thought of me when he made those remarks.

So, I'm announcing it here. I am doing my best to see the positive and live a more relaxed life. Of course, I don't think change comes over night, but I'm gonna do my best! (See extra exclamation points - I'm starting to the process already!) lol...

Show Me

(sigh) So I just got home and checked my email - I've been doing it almost incessantly while I'm waiting to hear back from some lenders - and anyway, I saw an email from the John Legend site....

Yes. I am in love with John. Particulary after seeing and hearing in concert. He's absolutely fabulous - and any naysayers can keep their opinion to themselves!

Okay - back to my story. I opened his site and saw a link to this which he spoke about during his concert. Here's the thing - it's incredibly moving, but I don't feel the same way I used to when I look at the pictures. It's beyond sad really.

I remember when I first started my graduate program I was so excited that I was going to change the world and make an enormous difference to hundreds of thousands lives. Eradicate poverty. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Heal the sick. Alright, so I had a bit of a God-complex. But I was ready. Ready to do my part. Get in there and help out those in need.

My friends and I used to talk about the Chair of our department at the time. How she was so removed from the field and had lost her compassion. She had this hardened edge about her. She'd been doing global health work for about 30 years at the time. Extremely knowledgeable, but just, I don't know - hard.

I'm getting to my point - I promise. The thing is, after being in that program for a while - traveling to developing countries - learning and seeing the preventable poverty and unnecessary deaths - left me almost broken. I had an extremely hard time coping. As a result, I built up some sort of callous outlook. A numbness really. Knowing that no matter how much some individuals do - it's always going to be like this. Always going to be the rich versus the poor. The haves and the have-nots.

Sure - I can spout the altruistic notions of all of us working together and getting along - but it's not reality. We're out to take care of ourselves. Our loved ones. If we can help others on the way - great! But, usually not if it directly interferes with or takes away our needs, or wants. Which is why I do understand the human need for something more. A perfect afterlife - where all this corruption and hatred don't exist. I get it.

And now - I've almost completely gone of topic. My point is - that professor? I get her now too. It's not a pretty thing when idealism and naivete clash with reality. The problem is finding a balance. Not stopping because of all the depressing and horrendous things in the world, but moving forward regardless. Knowing that even if it's small, you made a difference in someones life.

Check out Vonumu International. It's a terrific and totally inexpensive way to help eduate some kids. And yes - they are reputable. One of my good friends knows them personally and they send you updates and information all the time...

Night all...

Dramamine

So, I realized yesterday that I get motion sickness. I knew that I had a slight case before on the winding roads of Madagascar (don't you love the sneaky way I put that in there?) - but I thought it was a one time thing.

So the idea of getting into a tiny Cessna with my mom and dad didn't faze me one bit. My dad recently got his pilot's license and was anxious to show us his skills by taking us for lunch in Fort Collins. Uh - for clarification purposes - Fort Collins is maybe a 2 to 3 hour drive from where we live - and I could be exaggerating greatly, but the point is we don't usually go there.

Anyway, going up wasn't frightening at all. It was a beautifully clear day and I could see how extremely flat Colorado is. Honestly, I was more concerned for my mom who is afraid of heights! Long story short - after maybe ten minutes of being bumped in the wind, I started sweating profusely and feeling like I wanted to throw up. I ended up putting back my seat, tuning out the radio and going to sleep. I woke up just as we were about to land.

The moral of the story? There is none. Next time I'll just take some Dramamine...

By the by, (what the hell does that mean???) in case you wanted to laugh or be offended - check this out...

Social Conditioning

I was thinking about how we are taught from birth what is acceptable and what isn’t. It came from a jumble of assorted things this week – including religion, my friend who just had a baby, and another interesting book I’m reading. And it dawned on me that almost everything we do is based on fear. Fear of not being accepted or gaining approval from our family, friends, and wider community.

The child learns that when it (sorry, the he/she thing is too cumbersome) puts its toys away they get an ensuing smile or pat on the back from the parents – and in some cases maybe even a gift, candy, etc… But if that same child throws food across the room or toys at someone’s head – they are punished – whether it’s as small as a frown, timeout, or a spanking.

This never stops. As we get older we usually conform to societal norms or rebel against them. Either way – we are still being controlled.

Anywho, I’ve been on this different mental tip for a while. It started with religion – recognizing that almost all major religions are based on being rewarded in the end. Basically, if I do A, B and C then I will get to heaven, paradise, nirvana, absolute peace, whatever it is – but if I don’t then I’m going to suffer and be completely miserable. Not saying some of the morals and values inherent in religion are bad, but the motivating force between the “organized” group is to scare people. Is it because that’s what we respond to? That if there were no “good” or “bad”, “heaven” or “hell” we wouldn’t be able to operate???

Just trying to recognize the real reason I do stuff – for me or other people?

Something to think about…

Credit, FICO and other Scores...

Sorry about the delay - I'll post something more substantial later, but just wanted to say that my credit score went up 30 points in less than a month - just by paying off my credit card!!!! Yippeeee!!!

Okay, so I'm a bit of a dork - but now I can get my place with 100% financing!!!! I wish they stressed how important credit was when I was younger....

Alright - I'm off to get my beauty treatments :O)!

Emotionally Stunted?

Only 15 percent of Americans admit to letting their feelings out often although 80 percent believe it’s healthy to do so. Letting it Out in America

Okay - so I have a problem. Again. I've realized that I don't grieve appropriately. Huh?

Let me explain. When things happen (sad, bad or unfortunate things) in my life or in the people I love I tend to mentally/emotionally disassociate. I'm there in person, but I'm not really there. I comfort and support, listen and talk, but I don't allow my true emotions out. And then - maybe a week or month later I feel overwhelmed and breakdown crying - usually in my car.

I've talked to countless friends and family about this and all, including myself, agree that I need to be more honest with feelings and not hold back. My question is how???? I always feel that my feelings are inconsequential when compared to some of the things they are going through - and that once again, I need to be the strong one. And yet, I know that I have to deal with things to be healthy as well....sigh...I need to learn how to let go. I've gotten better in my communication thing, but still not letting the emotions show.

Just kinda impassive until I'm alone. Hmmmm...any advice?

Door to Door Salespeople

Alright - so I may be a little naive or better yet, guilty. Two minority sales people came to my door yesterday - a male and a female. They were spouting the regular sales pitch, except that this was supposedly for helping the Inner City Youth. They showed me some papers in those plastic covers saying that they were bonafide independent contractors for a magazine service called Worldwide Reader Services based in Miami. Blah, blah, blah...

I was in a giving mood so I listened, plus they looked like they could use the help! But I didn't want any mags so I said I'd make a donation. I wrote two checks to the organization and gave it to them. After they left I mentally kicked myself - so I ran to my trusty laptop to look up the organization - but I only found one thing from google...so, I'm a bit worried. However, I felt good because I was supposed to send some books to my boys in India, but felt a bit lazy and didn't. This made me feel like I was a still a good person, etc...

Anyway, long story short - was I taken? Anyone else heard about this organization?? Should I make a stop payment on my checks???

My people, my people....

Tag - Your It!

Okay, so I've never done this before - but I've been tagged by Vixen to do the Gotta Get Goals Challenge so here it is....


Gotta Get Goals

1) Self-actualization. I want to fully know myself and grow to my full potential at each stage of life. I want to be completely happy and satisfied with my growth, and be more accepting to others in their growth. Not afraid of my defects and faults but accepting of them, and knowing that I can change. I can improve. I don’t have to stay the way I am. Above all, I want to be at peace – mentally, emotionally – being the best “me” I can be.

3) Family. I love and adore my family and I want my own. I want to be an AMAZING daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, friend, wife and mother. I want a husband, children and a wonderful home. Somewhere filled with love and warmth – a place where guests always feel welcome and comfortable. I want to learn to cook all sort of meals and do it regularly – to host and entertain – to take my children and their friends to games and plays, etc… To leave the kids with the grandparents, aunt or my cousins for a bit while I whisk the husband away on a sensual and adventure filled trip.

2) Spontaneous. I need to increase my spontaneity. I find that as I get older I get more anxious and controlling. I don’t want to be bogged down too much by being “responsible”. Life’s too short. I want to be able to easily say “yes” without putting too much thought into it. To go with the flow some more and relax and enjoy my time here. I want to sing and dance in the rain more. To skip down the street in my slippers. To sing off-key as loud as I want. To dance like no ones watching. To fly somewhere for the weekend – just because.

3) Philanthropist. Which of course means that I want to be more than wealthy! I want to have enough money to aid those in need. Whether it is my fam, friends, or strangers. Most of all, I want my money to help educate others – particularly in developing countries. Besides doing my part to eradicate poverty and hunger I want to give children, who otherwise wouldn’t have it, a chance at something better. I want to open up opportunities for the hopeless and marginalized. Education for the underserved communities out there struggling to survive. More than giving food or clothing I want to give hope. Hope that tomorrow can be better. That their children can do more and have more than themselves. That all is not lost. That though life has its depressing moments its filled with beautiful ones.

4) Frequent Traveler. I absolutely ADORE traveling!!! I love to see new places and learn about different cultures. There is something about our differences and yet many similarities that totally invigorates me. I want to be able to jet off to any country for a week without stressing about the job or money, etc…. Just get away and experience something different. I thrive on change and new experiences.

5) Author and Speaker. I’ve been reading and writing ever since I can remember. Reading was always a wonderful escape for me, especially those wonderful Garwood and McNaught novels, as Vixen can attest! As for the writing, it was always more personal. I had a hard time sharing – wondering if others would “get” what I was trying to say, if they’d appreciate it or like it. But, I’ve finally come to the place where I write regardless of approval or accolades. I want to be honest in what I’m feeling and give a voice to those who don’t feel like they can share the same/similar sentiments. But I also want to motivate and encourage in my writing and speaking – just letting others know that whatever it is, none of us are alone.

6) Guitar. I want to master the guitar! I’ve had one since I was twelve but never continued my lessons after my first year. I want to get to the point where I can just pick it up and play. No more struggling with bar chords and strumming techniques. I want to be so good that it just flows…like this guy (I shamelessly took this from Metheus)

7) Consistency. I want – no I NEED to learn some follow-through. There are certain things in work and academia that I have no problem finishing, but in other aspects of my life I get to a certain point and then stop. Procrastination for absolutely no reason. I want to be known for my commitment and ability to stick with something all the way – whether it is a project or a relationship.

8) Happiness. I want a world where we all operate of love and respect for one another. There’s so much unnecessary pain and anguish in the world. I want everyone to be able to experience as much happiness as possible – so that they can perpetuate it and give their joy the coming generations. I want a place where if we see or sense each other hurting we reach out and connect with each other – sharing, crying, and laughing together. So that no one feels alone.

Those are my top 8! Hmmmm.....now I'm gonna tag the following:

Counselor in Cultivation
My Metheus
Priya
Disjointed Wavelengths
Keeping Up Appearances
(Maybe this will encourage the last two to actually blog again!)

Love and All that Jazz...

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."- Robert Frost

I'm in a kind of melancholy mood..."waxing romantic" I guess...

It's difficult being single sometimes...the lonliness can be stifling...sometimes I just want to lean on someone physically and emotionally...not always having to be so "strong" and seem like I have a everything together...quite frankly, I don't...

Plus, I've realized that I have to stop calling my guy friends when I'm in this sort of mood...it doesn't help things at all...I've already gotten myself into trouble talking to male friends when I'm emotional...lol...

So, I just have to take a deep breath, wait a few moments till the intenseness (word?) of the feeling passes and move on...

In Memoriam...

I was traveling yesterday, and didn't hear till I got back to Denver...I can't fathom the pain and confusion that everyone involved is going through...

Lakers vs Nuggets

So last night I went to the Pepsi Center with three friends to see the Lakers play the Denver Nuggets...and though I do live in Denver now, I wasn't sure who I was going to root for...

Hilarious thing - everytime that Kobe touched the ball, the whole stadium erupted into BOOOS....everytime! LOL - it cracked me up...I even found myself feeling a little sorry for the guy...

Anyway, the Nuggets won - 114 to 111...very close game...actually, they would of lost if Kobe wasn't so intimidated by the crowd - he took at least 20 shots and only made like 7...lol...he did not bring his A-game...according to the announcer - the Lakers couldn't handle the 5,280 Altitude!

I love that AI, Camby and Melo are on the same team...but they really need to work on some stuff...this is their second time beating the Lakers, but they could do SOOOO much better...

GO NUGS!!! :O)

Facing Reality

Peeling Back the Layers

So, I'm re-reading this amazing book called "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?" It talks about our fears as humans, methods of ego-defense and the likes. Basically, it's about personal growth. It's interesting, 'cause I just wrote this about a week ago:

You know how the things you are usually most angry about, are the characteristics that you portray the most? Why is that? It’s irritating. I’ve realized that I tend to see the world negatively and in a cynical light rather than a positive one. It’s something I’ve been aware about for some time now. Years even.

The problem with this is that I automatically assume that people’s motivations are inherently selfish. After all, we all want to take care of ourselves, right? Or is it? There is another school of thought that adheres to the belief that people are relatively good.

Is it because my naiveté and idealism has been crushed by reality? And now I’m almost completely jaded? Of course, I cover it up with being “realistic”, but how can I truly be happy if I’m always seeing the bad instead of the good?

I guess I'm just "projecting" my negativity on others....lol...I'm the selfish one! Honestly, this is a FABULOUS book that EVERYONE should read. It's totally short, clear and brutally honest in its assesment!

In other news, I'm going to law school!!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol...I know, I know...I just got a little excited thinking about it :O) And Nashville no longer sounds like a bummer - especially since they have like 5 universities in the area...oh, and did I mention that Vandy is now ranked #16 in the nation - right under UCLA - so no more wondering about moving anywhere else....

Here's hoping the men are attractive and plentiful!

April Fools

So, I was writing about the extremely emotionally charged Sunday I had, but the jokes on me. I got really angry about a misunderstanding, and on deeper inspection realized it had nothing to do with “the situation”, but totally with me. And on even further analysis, I realized that though I thought I’ve dealt with a particular issue, I still have a lot of anger, and yes, even resentment, towards “them”. They who will remain nameless…lol…

Thing is, I put myself in a position to be the emotional bulwark – rock if you will. I tried being supportive and listening, etc…. all the while, acknowledging my own hurt, but not the extent of my anger. I justified my behavior by saying it had nothing to do with it. And in essence, it doesn’t – but in reality, it does affect me. Greatly. For better or worse.

I realize that I’m still in “protect” mode. And I lashed out because I was unable to openly express my feelings earlier, out of respect and their wishes. It upset me. Almost like I wasn’t supposed to work it out on my own. I know that they had to work it out first. So, I kept as quiet as possible. But then that long absence exacerbated my angst. Plus, everything seemed to fall apart immediately. I was stressed. And angry that I had to deal with their stuff. Once again, I had to hold it all together. But, I was going crazy. Having an anxiety attack at least once every two weeks.

In retrospect, I am aware that I chose to take that position. It wasn’t necessary. I chalk it up to my “peacemaker”, “people-pleaser” personality.

The wonderful thing is that since my “outburst” – they’ve been extremely supportive. Letting me do my thing. But I still feel a twinge of guilt when I see how sorry he is…and I guess we need to talk again…

The Last King of Scotland

I just finished watching “The Last King of Scotland” with my dad. Wow. To say I’m disturbed is a huge understatement. Not just because of the depiction of Idi Amin, but because of the cycle of violence often found in some African countries.

It’s sad because while the Western world has in large part dealt with the growing pains of violence and establishing laws and regulations, these countries are still fighting for independence and control. And because we – and when I say “we”, I mean the so-called “civilized” world – have already attained what they are fighting to have, we can’t allow the violence to go unchecked.

The unfortunate thing is that I truly think the men in power start off with good ideas. They want what’s best for the country, etc… However, once they realize the dangers of being in such a position they fight back and lose sight of their goals. Obviously, this is only my opinion, and things are much more complex than that – but where is the solution? How do encourage people to embrace democracy and other “enlightened” ideas when they are hungry? Dying from preventable communicable diseases? Fleeing for their lives?

There is such a wealth of understandable anger and hatred. Can it be solved?

Music City

So, I am almost 100% positive that I'll be moving to Nashville in the coming months...and actually, I'm getting more excited. At first I was totally bummed - back to the South! lol...but I'm sure Vandy will be great. Plus, I already have friends in the area - so all is not lost...!

Red Bull Gives You Wings!

Ummm....I just a saw a red bull commercial and just cracked up - the one with the daschund and great dane looking dog...utterly hilarious!! So anyway I was looking for it online to post and show you guys, BUT I couldn't find it...this is what came up instead -

http://www.haloxl.com/redbull.html


I almost gagged and laughed at the same time....

Let the Sunshine In!!!

So, I’ve realized that my moods (almost) directly correlate with the weather. Since the weather here has been improving, I’ve been feeling better and better!! Today was absolutely gorgeous – about 70 degrees outside. Not too hot and not too cold…went to the park and just relaxed for a couple hours.

By the way, this place is perfect! I would stay here in a heartbeat if there was a little more diversity. (sigh). Still thinking about buying a condo or something here though – they’re going up everywhere. Plus, the DNC is coming here next year! Should be interesting.

What is that thing called? SAD – seasonal affective disorder??? I think that’s it…anyway, good weather and being outdoors definitely rejuvenates me…just thought you’d want to know :O)

Oh, and I saw 300! Great movie - plenty of action and rock hard eye-candy. Little strange - weird looking creatures and all, but wonderful flick...

Bill, Al and G'Dubya

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun.

After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most aware of the environmental problems of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said: “I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Women Marry Up, Men Marry Down

Apparently, this is a well-known fact that I just learned about. It makes sense actually. Complete sense. Here’s how it came about – so I was discussing with some of my friends (male and female) about why certain well-educated men seem to end up with less educated women. In truth, we were talking about people we know and what this phenomenon is about.

I remember being slightly younger, and having women a couple of years older than me look at me in disgust as the taker of “their men”. I, and women like me, was dating the guys there age who were leaving them out in the cold. I thought it was funny – obviously I was offering these men something they were not getting from their peers. But now I find myself understanding those same women’s concerns!

Ironically, I generally can’t take men my age or even a couple years older seriously. However, I am seeing it for myself more and more. Highly intelligent and successful men dating women whose ambition and “station” (I know – totally snobbish) in life, is decidedly below their own. But now I get it.

Women marry up and men marry down. I’m still trying to figure out all the reasons that this statement is true. Of course, it’s not absolute, but there tend to be few exceptions. The usual occurrence is that a woman marries a man a couple of years older than herself. Is it because we mature faster? Is it because we find it easier to respect a man older than ourselves? Do men do it, simply because the younger woman is more pliable and willing to please them? Is because they don’t want to feel threatened by their wife’s intelligence? Or is there some other factor that I’m overlooking?

Please – help me out here – I need some feedback.

Party All the Time

Title's a little homage to Eddie Murphy...lol... By the way, I hope that you've seen Dreamgirls by now!! If you haven't then stop reading my post and go see the movie!

Okay, anyway - went to a party tonight - hosted by the organization called ICOF. It has a website, etc...but I don't remember what it is...basically, it's non-profit geared towards helping women and children in developing countries. Very young organization who raises money by charging donations. Yup, you heard me right - they charge a donation to enter the party.

(yawn) I'm tired. So, just thought it was interesting that no matter what party I go to - it's always the same. House/apartment parties, etc... people lined up on the wall or seating on the couches until some brave soul starts dancing and slowly others join. Then, the shyness steps in and back on the couch/wall - over and over again.I say this, because I know. I am that person who will not dance unless a whole bunch of other people are dancing too.

My sister, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She'll dance by herself. She'll take me in the middle of the dance floor and try to dance with me while people gather around. She’ll twirl around me. Press us up on me and dance her behind off. Which is exactly what she did. The brat. Then of course, guys thought it was open season on me - I was finally off the couch and didn't ask just assumed....etc....

Look, I like dancing. I do. I'm just totally self-conscious - and if I don't know you and you are trying to jook me - uh....do you really think I'm gonna get more comfortable and loosen up? No. And no again.

Addictions are BAD!

Ummm....so my latest obsession has been this TLS (Top Law Schools) website - here's my blog if you're interested...I still haven't been posting a lot, but it's short and sweet - you have to scroll all the way down and then make you're way up...

http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/tls3431.html

Later!

Work, Work and More Work

Okay - gotta interrupt the law thingy to vent about employees!!! Where is the work ethic? If you're gonna quit your job can you give your boss a "head's up"? Some type of warning perhaps??? Is that too much to ask? Unless you're fired - there is no reason to just not show up, or not even tell anyone....

Hello???? Anyone home? First off, not only are you not going to get any sort of recommendation from your previous employer and your former co-workers (who are/were supposedly you're friend) are going to feel a certain amount of angst because of their increased workload...

Quite frankly it sucks. Do what you gotta do - but just give some warning. No wonder good people get burnt out - they're overworked and exhausted making up for all the immature losers out there...

(big sigh) In the long run, great for the company - we don't need people bringing down the morale - but short term - as Mr Knightley would say " Badly done (Emma). Badly done".

'Nother Race Post...

Alright. So, I said that I would talk about the AA thingy. But before I did – I decided to browse some of these forums and see what they had to say…

Well, they said a WHOLE lot. So, instead of reviving a dead horse – I will say this: You know what one of my biggest pet peeves is???? (Don’t even know if that’s grammatically correct)

People who assume that skin color equals cultural equivalency!!! It’s one of the most irritating things I hear. Especially, the whole “can’t YOU ALL just get along.

Let me start by saying – all Asians are NOT Chinese, all Latinos are NOT Mexican, all blacks are NOT African-American, and all whites are NOT wealthy and spoiled! LOL – though they are in the majority

This applies to all of us. We each have stupid stereotypes about each other based on tradition, personal experience, etc….Frankly, I don’t care. Just don’t assume. Period.

Everyone is different and comes from different backgrounds. You don’t know me. You may think you have insight because of some facts I share – but unless you are an intimate friend or family member please do not have the unmitigated gall to [ASS]UME anything.

And hey, guess what? Life is unfair. Affirmative Action is a bandaid trying to hold a larger infection at bay. And, it’s not based solely on race either. I’ve heard Adcomms say that the greatest beneficiary of it has been white women. Could be right or wrong. I don’t know.

You know what? I was totally obsessing about placement and prestige, etc…but when it comes down to it – wherever I end up will be where I’m supposed to be. Like I said before, I have few to none serious regrets. Each experience is a learning experience that helps me grow into a better person.

You know what I loved most about my graduate program? That out of a small class of 40 students, we had different cultures, languages and experiences. The great part? We TALKED about them in detail. Laughed. Joked. And realized that we are now ADULTS who don’t need to accept previous generations’ viewpoints. When it comes down to it, it’s all ignorance anyway.

I had one grandmother warn me about those “deceitful Indians” while the other’s Mom was straight from Delhi. Grew up hearing that I should never, ever, ever, ever date a Jamaican, Haitian, or any man from the continent of Africa. Why? Cultural differences and negative encounters. But, perspectives and past experiences aren’t always indicative of truth.

So, what am I trying to say ultimately? We all have biases and prejudices rooted in a variety of things – be aware of them and don’t let them shape your choices.

Whew. Okay – done preaching.

Oh - and for the record - I have now been accepted to American University in DC - forget Miami...lol..!

AA – Perspectives from a Slightly Uncomfortable URM

If you don’t know URM stands for Underrepresented Minority in the law admissions/school realm. Frankly, I had no idea – but being one have been bombarded with the term since I started this getting into law school process.

Here’s my dilemma – my LSAT (Law School Admission Test) score and undergrad GPA are not extremely high. I only scored in the xth percentile for the test, and my LSDAS GPA was a x.x. My only saving factor for my GPA was the fact that I graduated magna cum laude from my alma mater (is that how you spell it?) – BUT the LSDAS GPA also factors in my freshman year!!!

Well, for the record – freshman year was more than abysmal – I went from a 2.3 to 3.3 – which became a 2.7 average. Yeah – not at all pretty. Anywho, compared to the majority of applicants – mainstream white male – my scores are average. However, the majority of black applicants allegedly only score in the 20th percentile!

Actually, my score was in the top 5% of all scores for applicants in my ugrad – which clearly works in my favor.

Okay, numbers aside – Law schools typically admit URM student with lower scores to increase their diversity. It’s been a huge controversy – U of Michigan just lost the ability to do so on constitutional grounds, but private institutions still have the ability to make their own decisions. Since the majority of top schools are private affirmative action is still alive and well.

So, I’ve said all of that to say – I don’t know how I feel about the issue. On one hand, I recognize that all it does is get a student, who may not have “legacy” privileges or other connections into a school – the rest is up to them. On the other hand, should I really just get a hand up just because of my skin color?

Obviously, there are a lot more factors that go into it – but, what do you think?

Updates

Hey everyone, I’m gonna stop apologizing for not writing regularly – this whole law school process is extremely looong – and I’ve been obsessing about it….Plus, I just got dumped with a whole lot more responsibility lately….

But – good news – I got my first acceptance to University of Miami Law School!!!! YAY!! If all else fails – I’m definitely going to be in school in an absolutely great place :O)

Oh, click here to read my first ever article published on Baggage Reclaim - http://www.baggagereclaim.com/. I actually submitted it in October, but apparently it went to the Editor’s spam mailbox – lol! Anyway, it’s called “Sexy, Savvy, and Satisfied” – I know, I know….it just popped out k?

Alright – so something that is currently bugging me:

I have a friend who will remain nameless, who on a total whim decided to buy a ticket and stay in a hotel with a guy she met at the airport the previous week. When she told at first I was incredulous – then scared and upset.

Little backstory – Met him at the airport – seemed attractive and nice – met him for lunch – found out he was twice her age – laughed at it with us (her friends) and said it was too much for her. K, so I just assume the story is over. However, get a call this morning and hear that she’s in his hotel room and has been there since last night. But, she’s not attracted to the guy, and his bed is a so big it’s like they’re sleeping separately.

I’m not gonna throw stones, cuz God knows I’ve made some incredibly bad and yes, even stupid, decisions. Thing is – the first night went well – nothing happened. Great. Still, this dude obviously likes her, or he wouldn’t of asked her out in the first place….

And – she’s staying ONE more night!!! Granted she feels as though he’s trustworthy, but she doesn’t know him from Adam. I’m here freaking out, and she feels as though I’m exaggerating – so, I just paid to do a background check on him….

What do you think? Am I making too much of a big deal of this?

Snowmobiling

These long hiatuses from blogging have become something of a habit. My only excuse is that life in general has been so extremely busy that I barely have time to sleep, much less blog.

Basically, for those of you who don’t know I am in the process of applying for law school. For the past two months I was totally preoccupied with studying for the LSAT, and now that I’ve received my scores (disappointing at best) I am trying to finish all my apps before the first….which is only a couple of days away….

However, I’ve managed to have a GREAT Christmas!! It was the very first time I didn’t spend it with family, but my ex-roomie, who also happens to be my best friend’s cousin and her sister, came out. We went snowmobiling! It was cold, but a lot of fun. We went across the Continental Divide – and incidentally almost flipped over a couple times – but had a blast.

Give it try if you haven’t already. Goodness….I’m so tired I can hardly muster up anymore enthusiasm to write.

Anywho, have a fabulous New Year’s!!

When a Man Loves a Women

I took a crazy road trip this weekend. Left home at 6pm Friday night, got into Huntsville, Alabama around 1pm the next day. Took a shower ran some errands and rested for a couple hours. Proceeded to drive to Chattanooga, Tennessee, got back to Huntsville around 1230am Sunday morning. Slept. Woke up around 8am and left for Colorado again. Made it back at 5am Monday morning. My friend slept for a couple hours and headed to work, while I slept in.

Anyway, since we had such a ridiculously long trip, we had ample time to talk. And one of the things we discussed were men, their egos, and what it means for a woman. We both realized that we had valid trust issues because of the behavior of men in our lives.

Now I realize that it’s very simplistic to say that all men have fragile egos and only think with “one head” so to say. But, I think what is most important is that men tend to be extremely sensitive. More so than women. Yes, we may cry more and talk about our feelings. But, men find validation in women making them “feel like a man” or in constant affirmation. I know. I’m making a huge generalization, but think about it.

It’s easy to say that all men want is sex, etc. But the truth is, it’s not necessarily the sex per se that’s driving them. It’s the feeling that is associated with the sex. How many times have guys gotten into relationships with absolutely crazy women because of how that particular girl made them feel? Or why do men cheat on their wives? Because they no longer feel like “the man” at home. The list goes on. But it all boils down to one thing: Most men need to FEEL affirmed. Period.

So, here’s the problem. You know you love your man. Respect him, etc. However, you don’t always feel like you have to express it. Do it ladies. If you don’t I’m sure someone else will. And depending on the current tone of your relationship, it could be a reason for leaving you. I hate to sound so dire. But reality is that relationships take work and that men really are the “weaker sex”. Lol...at least emotionally. Give him what he needs or he just might find it somewhere else.

Thought anyone?

Too Many to Juggle

Alright, I know that if you’re one of my friends, girls in particular, you’ve heard me lament about the recyclable Adventist male. Well, I have to briefly mention it again.

Our circle is so incredibly small that you cannot date someone without previous baggage of someone else whom you more than likely know. Okay, a bit wordy, but basically we’re all connected in some way or another. One of your friends are friends with so and so, who are best friends with so and so…..blah, blah, blah… Especially if you were born and raised, went to our schools.

It’s annoying!!! Plus, these dudes are relatively stupid and forget that if they are all connected so are we….hellooo? You’re a so-called “professional” and forget that wherever you are in an Adventist circle someone there knows someone else who probably knows the girl you’re dating….!

You can’t try to date two girls at the same time. Duh! Oh, and don’t let me talk about the dude who dated one of my friends, then another, and then tried to “holla” at me! Lol…what a moron….

Quite frankly, you’re all idiots. I pray to God that I don’t end up with someone from this immature circle. I finally have realized that they typically don’t mature until, I don’t know, mid-thirties????? Beyond????

I refuse to be one of those girls who end up dating everyone in the same circle and then are left confused and discouraged when none of those guys want to commit.

And because I know there are a few of you (literally) who fit this category, I will say that if you’re reading this you are probably not one of the jerks I’m talking about. At least I hope not :O).

The Bachelor of Idiocy

Has anyone else been watching The Bachelor?

So I admit, it's totally unlike me to get into reality TV...but as circumstances has it my best friend is hooked - so I naturally watch and sometimes get sucked in. This was one of those times.

I only saw about 4 episodes, and not even the total finale, but let me tell you - I was heated! Jennifer over Sadie!!!????? I hate to repeat myself, but are you kidding me? Or better yet, for all those other Grey's fans - "Seriously?"

It was quite obvious that Sadie was the better choice. Not only was she prettier, sweeter, and much more elegant than Jennifer (blah), but their personalities seemed to mesh sooooo much more.

And did you see how she handled herself when he turned her down? You know he was kicking himself mentally for making a moronically stupid decision.

But then, a lightbulb went off. Two actually.

First, did you see his ghetto fabulous - "I'm from Brooklyn", big haired Mother? Sadie was clearly too good for that family...lol....

But the real breakthrough came when I remembered that he and Jennifer had sex....hmmmm.....and that he's a dude....

nuff said...

Seinfeld's Racist Jew

Okay, so clearly I’ve been more than out of the loop. The Kramer tirade????!!!! And he had the nerve to say he didn’t know where that came from? Are you kidding me?!! The vitriolic language that he used spewed from somewhere inside him. It wasn’t a simple “F*ck you n*gger”. Saying that 50 years ago the man would be lynched with a fork up his @**!!!!!!

Hellooooooo????!!!

And there are still some completely ignorant people who seem puzzled that racism still exists! Ignorance is absolutely ridiculous. Don’t get me started on Borat….

If you want to see the article and tape it’s here on this link:

http://www.tmz.com/2006/11/20/kramers-racist-tirade-caught-on-tape/

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Okay...so, I have A LOT to catch up on...but I'll start off with this... One of my friends from Atlanta came in for Thanksgiving...since then the we've been acting up!

Long story short, I was invited to a poetry/open mic session Saturday night and went with 3 other of my girls...we get there, mingle a bit, I read my poem (Unrequited Love!), then about half-way through my friends get antsy. One is playing tetris while someone's reading and the other is texting constantly...both of them have a touch of ADHD and absolutely NO broughtupcy...lol...(trini term for misbehaving)...

Anyway, I decided it was probably time to go...so we said our goodbyes to the hostess and moved out. Well, my girl from Atlanta had to use the bathroom, so we went in to wait for her. (sigh) And that's were it got ridiculous....

One of my other friends decided to start singing (in her best country-western voice) "I believe the children are our future".... So, who doesn't love Whitney Houston??? We all chimed in - loudly, and utterly obnoxiously. Just picture 4 girls (I can't say women!) in front of the bathroom mirror, dancing like hooligans and screaming our lungs out to the Greatest Love of All!

Oh, did I mention the entire song???? Well, as our last note died down, the bathroom door opened. And....the open mic/poetry host and mc told us that they could hear us, and I quote, "loud and clear", aaaaand that we were disrupting the poetry reading! LOL...!!!

We were sooooooo embarrassed that we literally ran out the bathroom, down the hall, to our car, laughing and giggling all the way. Mortified and appalled! Knowing that we could never show our faces there again....

Then we went out and had more fun...but I'll leave that for another post...

Oh - and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

NBA All-Star Weekend 2007

We're going to Vegas baby!!!!! Okay, so slightly uncharecteristic language and tone - but it's true!!! I was trying to think of what to do for my birthday (the big 25) and I realized that All-Star Weekend is the weekend before....not only is it a three-day weekend (President's Day I think), Valentine Day weekend, but also two of my guys bdays are that Thursday as well. Plus, it's close enough that my fam and friends from Cali can drive up. :OP

Absolutely perfect.

Well, except for the fact that everyone else and their momma can drive up too....I already had a mini-heart attack thinking about who is planning on going...so get this - one of boys was telling me how all of his friends were trying to come out. Thing is - he and "his boys" were all ex-something or the other of me and "my girls"....lol...needless to say it could make for an very interesting weekend.

Unfortunately for me, and luckily for him though, two of my girls aren't going to be able to make it....(sigh) ce'st la vie....right? Lol....I don't speak a word of French....but you get my gist...

We have our tickets, rental and hotel already booked! Everything, and I mean everything was basically booked solid. But we finally found something on the strip that wasn't The Tropicana! I am going to have a fabulous time (while trying not to bump into anyone I don't want to see)....I have three months to get it together....lol...

Warning: Ensuing Chaos

I put this together a couple months ago....clearly you can tell that I had a lot going on....it's just a rambled and totally random assortment of words that makes perfect sense to me....

Opaque, green, tallow, burnt, dichotomy, economical with the truth, fear, acrid, trust, faith, falling, tumbling, crumbled, torn, lost, pressing, aiming, failing, extinct, passion, thorns, palm trees, wind, pathetically clinging, releasing, racing, screaming, rage, dark, menacing, fusion, biting, furor, asinine, tumultuous, circling, vultures, carnage, wreckage, destruction, desolation, absence of life, new, unique, fresh, free, emerging, unfolding, soaring, high, plummeting, death, mindlessness, nothingness, peace

The Times They are A-Changin'...(hopefully...)

Well, if you haven't been watching TV, listening to your radio, or talking to other people - it's official: the Dems have taken control of Congress! Thanks largely in part to my party - the Independents (ha, and nobody thought we were important).

I was avidly watching the news, hoping in my heart that the American people were smarter, or at least exhausted by the current party (aka Bushies).

Plus, I was suffering from immense guilt - seeing as I didn't actually vote....I know.... :O( BUT, before you jump all over me for being totally unpatriotic and leaving the outcome to chance, I do have a perfectly good excuse....

Well, for those of you who don't know I recently moved back to Colorado from Florida some months ago. Thing is, I still have a Florida license...I was planning to change it, but thankfully I was reminded that I may have an outstanding speeding ticket in that state (running late for work). So, I was and still am a little scared about going into the DMV and having them snatch my driving license away with their grubby bureaucracy nonsense...and I wasn't trying to do that absentee ballot thingy.... Thus, I didn't vote.

If you find a bit of flawed reasoning in my argument - too bad. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it...Anyway, it's about time we have a semblance of democracy again - checks and balances, etc...Hopefully, the Dems won't screw it up...

Four Things About Me

Okay, so I got this from my cuz ages ago, but never put it up...so here it is....just a few more interesting things about fabulous me!

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1) TA in high school
2) Waitress at a seafood restaurant
3) Supervisor at a County Health Department
4) Business owner / administrator (I get to sign checks :OP)

Four Movies I have watched over and over:
1) Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth is the only Darcy)
2) Rodger and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (original with Leslie Ann Warren and Brandy
version)
3) The Opposite Sex
4) Brown Sugar

Four places I have lived: (okay – six)
1) New York City (yay!)
2) Guatemala
3) Alabama
4) California
5) Colorado
6) Trinidad

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1) Grey’s Anatomy!!!
2) Grey’s Anatomy!!!
3) Grey’s Anatomy!!!
4) Grey’s Anatomy!!!

Four places I have been on vacation:
1) Most recently Antigua, W.I.
2) Spain
3) England
4) Kenya

Four of my favorite foods:
1) Almost anything Mexican
2) Almost anything Italian
3) Curry and roti Trini style!
4) Callaloo from Sugarcane

Four places I would rather be right now:
1) lol….ummm…London
2) Barcelona
3) Chicago
4) New York

Yearning

Lust. That insatiable passion that incinerates your mind and body. All-consuming desire that completely envelopes you and won’t let go. It’s uncontrollable. Hitting you at the most unexpected and often inappropriate times.

How do you deal with it? Release the incredible built up pressure? Especially if the object of your desire isn’t around. Sometimes I just want to grab some random person – but on further inspection that won’t do.

A random person can’t make me feel like ripping off his clothes. Touching. Caressing. Attacking. Feel greedy for that unquenchable thirst. It’s frustrating.

So here I am. Waiting.