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(sigh) So I just got home and checked my email - I've been doing it almost incessantly while I'm waiting to hear back from some lenders - and anyway, I saw an email from the John Legend site....

Yes. I am in love with John. Particulary after seeing and hearing in concert. He's absolutely fabulous - and any naysayers can keep their opinion to themselves!

Okay - back to my story. I opened his site and saw a link to this which he spoke about during his concert. Here's the thing - it's incredibly moving, but I don't feel the same way I used to when I look at the pictures. It's beyond sad really.

I remember when I first started my graduate program I was so excited that I was going to change the world and make an enormous difference to hundreds of thousands lives. Eradicate poverty. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Heal the sick. Alright, so I had a bit of a God-complex. But I was ready. Ready to do my part. Get in there and help out those in need.

My friends and I used to talk about the Chair of our department at the time. How she was so removed from the field and had lost her compassion. She had this hardened edge about her. She'd been doing global health work for about 30 years at the time. Extremely knowledgeable, but just, I don't know - hard.

I'm getting to my point - I promise. The thing is, after being in that program for a while - traveling to developing countries - learning and seeing the preventable poverty and unnecessary deaths - left me almost broken. I had an extremely hard time coping. As a result, I built up some sort of callous outlook. A numbness really. Knowing that no matter how much some individuals do - it's always going to be like this. Always going to be the rich versus the poor. The haves and the have-nots.

Sure - I can spout the altruistic notions of all of us working together and getting along - but it's not reality. We're out to take care of ourselves. Our loved ones. If we can help others on the way - great! But, usually not if it directly interferes with or takes away our needs, or wants. Which is why I do understand the human need for something more. A perfect afterlife - where all this corruption and hatred don't exist. I get it.

And now - I've almost completely gone of topic. My point is - that professor? I get her now too. It's not a pretty thing when idealism and naivete clash with reality. The problem is finding a balance. Not stopping because of all the depressing and horrendous things in the world, but moving forward regardless. Knowing that even if it's small, you made a difference in someones life.

Check out Vonumu International. It's a terrific and totally inexpensive way to help eduate some kids. And yes - they are reputable. One of my good friends knows them personally and they send you updates and information all the time...

Night all...