Mr. Too Nice to Date Twice

Don't have much to say right now, except that I've been extremely bored. I love having my space, but sitting all alone in my condo waiting for deliveries that don't come on time, is not my idea of fun. Plus, I've been staying up way too late and waking up feeling miserable in the morning....go figure...

Anyway, found this article on Baggage Reclaim that pretty much articulated what I was trying to say before...something you guys are probably sick of hearing now ;o).

Here's the link:

Mr Too Nice to Date Twice

And here's the one that we often overlook...Taken from Vixen - by the way, thanks for writing about me!!! I'm gonna read it as soon as I finish posting this....lol....


Vixen’s Guide to: Dating a Nice Guy

I’ve had my share of Bad Boys but invariably, I’ve always been drawn more consistently to the Nice Guy. There is something about the old school charm, chivalrous ways and polished manners of this type of male that draws me like a moth to a flame. The term Nice Guy, has been used exclusively to categorise the gentlemen that don’t fit into the Bad Boy or any other prototype. These are the ones that will bring you flowers, call you just to say they are thinking of you, open doors and pay for all excursions with no fuss. They are the ones that your mother will approve of, and who manage to charm your family members that normally detest all the men you bring home.

First of all, if you aren’t sure that you guy is a nice guy…answer these questions to find out.

1. When you call him anytime of the day or night, does he talk to you even though you woke him up and protest when you try to get off the phone?

2. Is he always neatly dressed, clothes ironed and distinguished whenever he goes out?

3. Does he abstain from drugs, guns, excessive liquor and other substances?

4. Is his body free from excessive tattoos and piercings, gold grills and flashy jewellery?

5. Does he steer away from foul language, and swears sparingly if ever? Does he apologise when he uses curse words in front of you?

6. Does he bring you flowers for no reason at all, gifts on occasion, and remembers your favourite drinks and dessert?

7. Does he open doors for you and pull your chair back? Does he stand up whenever you leave or enter the room?

8. Does he help you carry anything heavy/bulky, does he assist with putting your coat on, does he offer to fix anything that breaks down in your place of abode?

9. Does he walk with you on the inside (with him closer to the street) when you are taking a walk through the neighbourhood?

10. Did he tell you that he loved you first? Is he vocal about his emotions and feelings?

11. Does he consider what you would like to do, and value your input in any discourse?

12. Does he put very little if any pressure on you to have sex with him?

13. Does he consider your comfort when with him, adjusting the temperature of the car/home to suit your needs, offering his jacket when it’s cold etc etc?

If majority of these are true, then hon, you are dating a Nice Guy.

Now don’t confuse a Nice Guy with a pushover. It’s not the same thing. Just because he looks after your interests and spoils you within reason doesn’t mean that you should take advantage of him. Nice guys have been taken advantage of time and time again and have learned from it. In my experience I’ve come across several nice guys that have been used and abused by the women they were with, and this has shattered a lot of their morals and values turning them into tortured, wounded souls.

Majority of Nice Guys were raised around women, they were predominantly raised by their mothers, sisters and aunts, and have managed to understand to a certain extent how women think. They sense your moods, your oncoming PMS and have learned what not to say in most situations. They are generally also more in tune with their feminine/sensitive side and might stun you with the depth of perception that they possess.

Note the following tips when dealing with Nice Guys

He generally is close to his family: He will talk to his family about you. Especially if he adores you. He will want to show you off. He will relate funny anecdotes about you and you might be surprised how much they know about you. There is nothing wrong with this, just note that if you are a super private person, you might want to let him know before he starts bragging about you to his friends and family.

He is generally close to his mom and the influential women in his life: He probably has a female best friend, is friends with his ex or a lady friend that he is very close to. If you happen to be a green-eyed sort, reel those jealous feelings in sweetie…to him these are platonic relationships. However, if your sixth sense is telling you something is up, please pay attention. In the same vein, if the women in his life don’t like you….it might cause issues. Deal with them carefully as if you were approaching a mother bear. They want to protect him for the ‘wicked Jezebels’ of the world and might just cast you in that category if you aren’t careful.

He might be over-the-top with giving gifts: Don’t take offence, he’s not trying to buy your affection, he is just showing you the level of his affection. Smile prettily, give him a kiss and receive graciously.

Nice guys believe in the rule of reciprocity: Somehow the golden rule has been ingrained in them and to prevent disillusionment, be nice. Don’t take them for granted, they do on some subconscious level expect niceness in kind. Don’t trample on their emotions, don’t belittle, DON’T cheat.

They are usually great communicators: On some level, they are gifted to a greater degree than your average Neanderthal in the language of women. They are able to pick up your moods and intuitively react to them. Appreciate this fact.

Don’t turn their good manners against them: If you are an independent woman, accept the gentlemanly courtesy…the opening of doors, etc. Get used to it. It is a part of them and asking them to stop goes against everything they stand for.

They are from the old school, old souls in a modern world. Think Braveheart, Gladiator type of men. They will stand up and fight for you. If they feel that you have been disrespected, they will want to protect you, beat the shit out of the person dissing you and take care of you.

However, note that Nice Guys have the power to revert to prototype and becomes jerks as well. Don’t think that just because you are dating a nice guy that he is the best thing since sliced bread. First and foremost, he is a GUY, and that my dear ladies, is the greatest irony of it all.

Visit Voxen’s blog Bad Girls Guide

Further Explanations

Okay - so this post is going to be a continuation of sorts from the last one...

What I was trying to say - is that I've gotten the "good girl" title pretty much all my life. Back in the day, I was the one guys wouldn't date because I was, and I quote, "marrying material", etc....truthfully, I didn't take it as compliment - just saw it as another way of saying that they weren't interested and they were trying to be nice about it.

However, I know that for a good part of my life, it was just a facade. I wasn't truly "good" in the sense of the word - I was scared. Scared to defy my family, community, and society. I was just talking to one of my friends about this - we did everything that was expected and kept our "reputations" (almost!) intact as expected. Did the majority of things right and by the book. Thing is - I enjoyed the accolades and resented them at the same time. Felt like I had to live up to a certain standard that was forced upon me. Obviously, I chose to take it on, but that's how I felt.

So, when I encounter men who remind me of myself in the above way, I tend to be cautious, and yes, just a bit cynical. Which - I readily concede - is unfair.

LIghtbulb Theory

I've just been thinking about the whole "good girl" liking "bad boy" phenomenon - something I've been accused of in the past. And I think I finally got a handle on it.

First of all, the phrase is completely generic and demeaning to both genders, in my opinion. But, I did realize something - the reason I can't or don't like dealing with the proverbial "good guy" is because of my own experience.

Whenever I encounter a man who I do believe genuinely likes me, but is extremely accommodating and constantly putting my needs above his own, I find him slightly untrustworthy. It's not about devaluing myself, but it's knowing that I've been there in non-romantic relationships. I've been the one to bend and give and give, never releasing the underlying resentment or anger that has built. Keeping my "good girl" facade totally intact. Not really taking responsibility for my feelings and/or being honest with my loved ones.

So, even though this may be a guy's personality, and he just is really a nice guy, I can't get over the idea that he may be hiding something....lol....I know, it's pretty bad. On the other hand, if someone is up front and completely honest, I can respect that - more so because it is something that I struggle with, even if that person is a complete jerk. Don't get me wrong - I don't like people who let it "all hang out" or anything, but who are able to clearly articulate his or her feelings in an appropriate manner....lol...whatever that is.

With that said, I usually hate the whole "opposite attracts" thing. I believe that your values and goals should at least be in sync - but I do get the idea of wholeness. Yes, I'm complete by myself, but if I meet someone who can balance my personality and vice versa I'm intrigued. I like to know that I can change and grow with someone - not necessarily being with someone who reinforces me without challenging me.

Just something I was thinking through. Any thoughts???

Changes

Hey all - so, I finally made it down to Nashville - in the wee hours of this morning...suffice to say, I'm tired...as indicated by my use of some interesting words...lol...

Anyway, I know that I was (and still am) totally excited about the humidity down here. but it's a bit overwhelming. To go from dry, hand-chapped Colorado to air dripping with moisture Tennessee in one day is different. My skin literally feels dewy - which I guess can be good for a girl - but I still have to get used to it.

Plus, my place still needs some improvements. I have some very basic stuff missing in my bathroom as well as some other things that were supposed to be taken care of before I came down, and haven't been...so, tomorrow is going to be long day with the furniture coming and all...

But that doesn't dampen my excitement at finally having my own place! The only thing is, I'm too sluggish to thoroughly enjoy it :O)

By the way, my parents took me shopping at Costco today (yay!) but went a little overboard - I had to call my friend to bring her Jeep to help carry stuff to my place - no complaints there!

(Oh, and for those of you wondering - the above pic is not my place. It would be fabulous, but I'm not that lucky!) Which actually makes me think of HGTV - I used to hate that channel. And I do mean hate....but now I'm totally into it. Find it quite fascinating....anyone else? Or am I alone???

Leaps of Faith

You know how when you wanna follow your gut feeling (instinct if you will) you get opposition? How everyone expects things to be done "by the book" and if you stray from the so-called norm you are criticized...and yet, with great risk comes great reward, right....?

Dreams and Allergies

So, I just read this totally random rambling post from The Pink Highlighter and was inspired. I don't think I've mentioned it before, but the last couple of nights have been absolutely terrible - days actually.

Remember my trip to Nashville a couple of weeks ago? Well, the friend I was staying with has a dog. A dog who hadn't been groomed in a looooong time. And I, though I do adore dogs, have serious allergies to their hair. This dog - aptly named Frizzie - had the longest and stringiest hair I've ever seen on such a small dog. Needless to say, my allergies were my great friends for my entire visit. I was popping pills like they were going out of style.

Okay - so I get home. And since I've been here - I feel like I have a dog hair stuck in my throat. Seriously. Like I inhaled it and it won't come out!!! Yes - it could just be my allergies going haywire, (hmmmm - hay, allergies....) but I swear it's true. No matter what I drink or eat (yogurt to soothe it) it won't budge. Call me crazy - but I can feel it and it's irritating the hell out of me. On top that I'm totally sniffly (word?) and feel achey, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I'm sick...

The only interesting thing about this whole thing is that my dreams have been incredibly realistic and odd. You know those kinda dreams where you feel like you haven't slept at all? Well, the first night myself and a whole bunch of random people were trying to run, but with a wall of resistance that we couldn't break through. Like slow motion on crack. We were running/swimming/pushing our way forward, while another person trotted over us on a horse calling out encouragement. I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Suffice to say, I woke up exhausted and heavy.

Last night was better. I dreamed that the cast of Grey's Anatomy and I went on some sort of trip together. Well, not all of them. Just Sandra, Kat, and Ellen. We were all going to the same school and they had some shoot to do in the mountains of Colorado. So, we were going to be roommates, but for some reason I didn't talk in the entire dream. Just was there. Observing and hanging out without really saying anything. I remember making one comment and Sandra was like "Oh. She speaks." - or something equally snarky (word I totally stole from the blogosphere).

Now that you are completely catatonic I will stop. I'm only up because I got a call at 5 am from a cousin (you know who you are!) looking for my sister. I am completely annoyed. Not at my cousin - at my sister. But that's for another day...or not....

.....

Movers coming on Friday - still haven't packed...am such a chronic procrastinator...

“Reunited and it Feels so Good”

Lol…okay – so I broke down and joined MySpace….I know, I know…what was I thinking? I’m 25 years old. But – I finally broke. Curiosity got to me and next thing I know I was joining. At first it was just to see some friends profiles and then I spiraled out of control and joined! (sigh – oh well…)

Anyway, the point of this post is that I don’t regret it. Because of one of my friends I saw some profiles of people I haven’t seen in years! I’m talking about guys I’ve known since about age 10 from church and haven’t seen since I was like, I don’t know, 17 or so. It brought back a lot of memories of who I used to be…lol….

I used to try to block out those years. I was quintessential nerd. The glasses, the braces, the one who used to compete with my friends about who got the highest A in class, walked with a very defined slouch and was always reading. Even my so-called friends used to call me “ungoy” – a Tagalog term that means monkey. Yeah – not the most flattering – especially for a minority!

I always hung out with the “rejects”, Goths, and other high school “undesirables”. Interesting thing is seeing how we’ve all changed over the years – and “come into our own”. I’m not the same person I used to be, and neither are they. But my past really has shaped who I am today….hmmmm….just some thoughts….

Plus, if you all read the comments on my last post - you'd know that Vixen and I are old friends from college too...the age of technology - ain't it grand?

Packing

I'm packing - except that I don't have any boxes yet :o(. I want to get all my stuff organized before I box them up, but it's taking much longer than I thought it would...

I plan to be out of here in two weeks and I can't even get my stuff together.

In other news: I ended it with "older guy". Actually, come to think of it, I only mentioned him to CiC, but it was kinda sad. He's absolutely great. Not only do we click on so many things (personality, dreams, travel, service-oriented, etc) but he's a man. Not just physiologically (!) which is a plus :O) but in all the other essential things. Knows what he wants. Completely honest. Totally appealing. Plus, he's from New York and works in DC (sigh) and I totally have a thing for East Coast guys.

However, there was one essential thing that we couldn't agree on - religion. And I hate to say it because if you've read one of my previous posts - you'd know that I'm not the hugest fan of the organization. Ironic thing is that he's not the strongest adherent, but he is definitely involved in his denomination and is clear that he wants his children to attend the same parochial schools he did. Which is an absolute no for me - something that is not even up for debate.... So, long story short, I stopped it. Which was a lot harder than I thought it would be - it's only been a couple months...so what was up with me crying???? Hormones? Or just a stupid decision? (sigh) I don't know.... Anyway, he still wants to take me out and of course I said "sure" like an idiot. Watch me fall harder and change my mind...

On a final note - I've been watching the Republican debate - and I would vote for Ron Paul - too bad he doesn't have a chance - oh, and Romney is a hot mess...I think he took a hit tonight.

Knocked Up

So, I was going to write about something entirely different - but that will have to wait.

Have you seen Knocked Up yet????!!

I haven't laughed so hard in .... in ..... dude, in years! I swear it. That movie is absolutely, stomach hurting hilarious. Thing is it's incredibly realistic, totally quirky and off the wall, mega funny.

Oh, but don't get it twisted. It's totally not children friendly. And it has an EXTREMELY graphic scene. Extremely - but totally entertaing! Like there wasn't one scene that I didn't crack up in - not one...

So, if you haven't seen it yet - go on...

I'm buying it as soon as it comes out...you should too!

Homeowner!!!!

I am FINALLY a HOMEOWNER!!! YAY! I've been in Nashville for the past week and I closed on Wednesday! Smooth as butta! lol...Plus, I got a congratulatory bottle of wine after I was done signing my life away :O)...

Talk you guys later...(Gotta go put the electricity in my name!)