Didn't think it would hurt this much. Or consume me this much. I like to tell myself that it will pass with time. And I'm sure it will. Eventually. But now.
Now it hurts. Hurts to realize that things have to change. Can't live in my dream world anymore. Have to let go. The tragic thing is that I don't know how much not being enough and loneliness contribute to my feelings.
Rejection. Couched in other terms. Feels the same. I just can't seem to get it right. I trust. Believe. Hope. Try to go with the flow. But it doesn't matter.
I want to be able to inspire passion. Companionship. Fun. Comfort. I just want to be loved. Just like everyone else I suppose. And of course, the ones you want never want you back, while there are others who would love to have your attention. Saying all the things you wish he was saying. But isn't.
I don't want to become calloused. Don't want to say "f$ck it" and settle for someone I don't want. I'm tired of being Ms. Commitment Phobe addicted to Mr. Unavailable.
I want more.
3 comments:
Holy crap - did you read my mind with this post? Geez, this is exactly how I feel. Wow.
Sucks doesn't it? It's good to know I'm not alone :O)
Wow, your back. Haven't read a good post in awhile. I understand partially but I think that you are looking at it the wrong way. Instead of wanting to be with someone and not being lonely and missing that who is unavailable, maybe you should look to God more and trying to do His will(Not trying to do a sermon but ....) This has been my theme for the new year after how the last year and relationship ended for me. Seeking to do for God and letting him handle your relationship/love issues. Stressing, worrying, being consumed only makes things worse and makes you go stir crazy and begin to think about settling. Anyway, that just my 2 cents
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